Hi again, it’s me.
For the first time in three weeks, I finally feel like I have the time to write. Two weeks ago yesterday, Sean and I embarked on our first adventure of 2017. We drove through icy conditions to our home state of Montana to visit our families and, more importantly, to pick up our brand new puppy. Two weeks ago, today, we drove down, butterflies in our stomachs, to my childhood home, to pick up the Little Thing that would change our lives as we knew it.
I know, that makes it sound incredibly dramatic, but this dog… Oh boy, this dog… she’s already taught me more about myself than I probably would have learned in five years without her. It feels as though I’ve suddenly been thrust into motherhood. I’m constantly exhausted, rushing around my tiny apartment to pick up garbage I didn’t realize was there, or I’m constantly in love with that little smile on her face when she chases cats in her sleep.
I guess this is her official introduction to the blog. Meet Cosette. She was named after my favorite character in Les Miserables (duh), because the night we got her, she was incredibly cuddly, my little “Cozy” pup. Terrified of her new surroundings, she curled up on the couch in Sean’s parents’ basement and slept through loud boardgames with friends. I felt that the name, meaning “little thing” in French would suit our little thing. And it does. Though, I also often call her “Noodle” due to the lack of motor skills connecting the front and back half of little body as she flops around the house chasing her favorite dino toy.
This whole situation is bizarre. I have spent the past six years dreaming of owning a dog. Before Sean and I were even dating, we discussed sharing custody of an English bulldog puppy. I think I’ve asked him every single day since then, “Hey, boo. You buying me a puppy today?” And then, Christmas Day 2016, I opened a Russian nestling doll of boxes until the smallest one held a little pink collar and leash.
I was incredibly overwhelmed with emotion, excited but also nervous. I’ve always known that owning a dog is a massive responsibility, and I’m still convinced I’m not ready for that amount of work. Every day, when I lock her in her crate, I go to work heartbroken, wondering if I’m being a good mother. And every night, when she wants to play instead of go to bed, I think about all of the things I could be doing with my life besides having this freaking pain in the neck dog.
But then, when I’m binge watching Bates Motel instead of doing the laundry, and she crawls into my lap on the recliner, I remember why it’s all worth it. I have a forever cuddle buddy. I have a pet who loves me unconditionally just as I love her. Sean and my relationship is being tested (oh God, you have no idea how much), but we’re pulling through, and it’s bringing us closer together. I’m making stronger connections with my family and friends, asking them for advice. And I have a new baby with a wagging tail and smelly kisses to come home to every night. And for that, I feel oh so blessed.
I hope I can come back to this post in a year and laugh at the struggles I’m going through. I hope she still tries to crawl into my lap when she’s bigger than the chair I’m sitting in. I hope she still tries to fit two tennis balls into her mouth at the same time. Because that is just the cutest thing in the whole world.
Oh, and I hope she gets over being terrified of EVERYTHING. This dog doesn’t can’t even handle a few rain drops. We live in Oregon, girl. You better get over that real quick.
Anyway, thanks, as always, for reading, and for being on this adventure with me. It means the world.
Amanda Jean and Cosette